Fearful and Alone

This special blessing of a read is from my darling Sister in Christ and friend, Amy Benham.  She is sharing such vulnerability and sincerity in this post that I told her I could have written this one myself since I can relate so much!  Amy’s blog is www.thequiethomemaker.com.  I do hope and pray you would check out her site, read her other blogs, subscribe, comment & share because this is clearly the ministry granted to her by God where women may be ministered to through her heartfelt writings!  Enjoy!!!

I begged God for forgiveness this morning, forgiveness for the fear; fear of rejection, fear of loss. And also for the insecurities that I battle with. Yesterday we went to a water fall, and I watched this young lady and her father and I wonder:

How much stronger would I have been if I had had a father like that. If there would have been no need to chase down boys for love, affection, and belonging, because I had received it from my earthly father? If my mother had taught me about my heavenly Father’s love for me?

But instead I am left with this hole for what should have been and a huge fear that I will or have messed up my own children in the same way. The fear that, if my own parents can not love me, then how can anyone else? The fear that they will all leave and I will be alone, and that somehow I am not worthy of it all anyway.

And so now many days are a fight. A fight to keep the fear and sadness at bay. A fight to keep the panic and anxiety away. A fight to hold on to the peace and joy that are from God.

Where to Turn

The day that I saw God as my loving Father and not a God of rules and regulations, was a huge eye opening and spiritual experience. My earthly father could not be who I needed him to be, but God…God could and would be everything that I needed.

So even though I do fight, I do not fight alone. I fight with God and I fight with truth.

The truth of how I am

Valued and Not Worthless:

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you.” Isaiah 49:15

Wanted and Not Rejected:

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them.” Genesis 1:27

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

Loved and Never Alone:

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.” Ephesians 2:4-5

“…because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me.'” Hebrews 13:5-6

How I am not given a heart

Of Fear:

“There is not fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 38-39

Or Anxiety:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

“casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” I Peter 5:6-7

Nor Worry:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?…Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?…your heavenly Father know that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34

But of LOVE and POWER and a SOUND mind

(2 Timothy 1:7)

And now I will put on the full armor of God and stand against the LIES (John 8:44 & John 10:10)

And with God by my side, never leaving nor forsaking me just as His word promises, I will stand against the wiles of the devil. And I will succeed (Romans 16:20) because God is always with me, leading me in triumph in Christ (2 Corinthians 2:14), and because He works all things for my good. Even those things that the devil means for bad. Because God is a good Father (Matthew ) Who loves me oh so very much (John 3:16).

Blessings,

Amy

We all struggle with something, and fighting alone is hard. I am blessed and thankful for those around me who love and support me each day. I am also thankful to my Father who never leaves my side. This was a prayer to my Father that I thought would be encouraging to you. I pray that my struggle is a blessing and helpful to you in some way.