Moms, I am having to trust God through a season of some seemingly messy, off-roading when it comes to motherhood these days. The Lord is basically having me back off, let up, calm down; “be still & chill” when it comes to how I school my children. Anyone who knows me well knows I like to research & give out tons of information, micromanage, train, stick to schedules & check boxes off as “done”. It‘s that soldier mentality- I can’t help it. I’ve just always been able to execute with excellency. It’s a gift! But here lately it’s been more like a curse because it can leave no room for others to solve problems for themselves! Consequently, I am being told to hand over the reigns, delegate & step into more of a facilitator role with my children so they can discover, explore & figure things out without mommy as their living “Google”.
It’s foreign territory for this Mama who has been known to hover like a helicopter! I mean, the super hands on approach gives me comfort & security. Aha! Am I looking for those things in something besides Christ?! Then, why am I the least bit surprised God is having me release this to Him? Plus, I was handicapping them by doing everything with them or for them (even though I saw that as love). Who am I making them dependent on then anyway,? Yep. You guessed it! Yours Truly instead of Jesus. Repent, Cristine. That is pride right there. Okay, grace & Truth received. Confession proceeded. Next is to walk in the new direction. Check. Oh no- there I go again! Well, you get the point!
Anyone else ever have to take a back seat so their children could maybe learn more on their own without your direct help?
In light of all the emotions attached to this transition, we’re going to call this “a season of grace” for Mommy because I just don’t know how to “not do”. I have to learn restraint so they can blossom! I’ve drowned them in sunlight & water (facts & knowledge) but I haven’t given them the space to grow! I’m thankful for my hubby stepping in as principal to say “stand down, soldier”. Ugh. So hard. But when I get to watch them flourish, it’s going to be so worth it! So, I instruct-they research. I lead them to the water- they drink. I think I got it! I can do this… I mean “not do”! Oh boy!
As a whole, I’ve been doing too much. I have worn myself out as well as my littles. I thought by preparing (& occupying) every moment of their every day as well as making sure they have all the tools & resources constantly available, they would fare well. But that method has prohibited them from discovering things on their own. They have literally been spoon fed so much that they don’t know how to use the spoon! #MOMFAIL
(Sidenote as to why I’m posting this testimonial: If you can’t be real, you’re fake. So be truthful, genuine & honest about who you are & who you’re not. It is soooooo super freeing! I am a mother but I am not a manufacturer. I can only plant in others, not produce.) 
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In conclusion, I am a mess! But I must relinquish control for their benefit. The little ducklings need to know how to swim (figure out that problem without me always giving them the answer). This is going to be NEW to me. I mean, let’s be honest: I feel needed, loved & valued doing all of that for them! But it’s selfish & squashing their ability to bloom! I recognize that here recently. And no condemnation, but I admit to mothering/homeschooling wrong. And now, I have to make changes accordingly… which freaks me out… A LOT! But I suppose it’s not easy for any sojourner who has had to travel to the unknown. #PioneerPilgrimmage
